Pennies in a Jar...

...also known as my two cents.

Today's topic of discussion (and method of homework procrastination) will be cheating. The relationship kind, not of the gambling or test taking variety. For a valid definition (lol), I will reference good ole' Wikipedia:

"In western and other cultures, couples tend to expect sexual monogamy of each other. If so, then cheating commonly refers to forms of infidelity, particularly adultery. However, there are other divisions of infidelity, which may be emotional. Cheating by thinking of, touching and talking with someone you are attracted to may be equally damaging to one of the parties. Emotional cheating may be correlated to that of emotional abuse, which to date is treated seriously in a court of law as physical cheating. With the expansion of understanding of other cultures, there is a wide spectrum of what cheating means. When in a committed relationship, the definition of cheating is based on both parties' opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition. Some couples simply believe that cheating constitutes doing anything, whether verbal or physical, that one would not do in front of their significant other. Such examples would include: expressing attraction to another person, electronic communications,texting, data, kissing, making out, and sexual relations."

Fancy way of saying it, but it somewhat gets the point across. Many ways to cheat on someone - not all must include putting the hot dog directly into the bun. And here's the kicker...you can not stop or prevent someone from cheating on you. If they are going to do it, they are. Many people who are unfaithful do not have unhappy relationships. Weird concept, I know, but they just have an urge or desire to think they can do whatever they want. (Example: that really good golf player.) Maybe a sense of entitlement or thrill seeking behavior? Lots of docs and therapists out there have spent years and millions of your dollars trying to pinpoint an exact cause and remedy for cheating...and here, I am giving the answer to you for free. As always, you are welcome.

One thing I've come to finally understand is that if someone is going to cheat, they are going to do it. While you may be saying "I would NEVER cheat on him/her," that's all good. However, don't go spouting out "He/She would NEVER cheat on me" because then you start speaking for someone else. And bottom line is...ya just can't do that. Free will. Curse and a blessing. This is where that fancy little word "trust" comes in. Ugh, I know. A lot of us pay lip service to that cute five letter obstacle course, but few really trust. Absolute trust is held without reservation or fear. No doubt. No second thought. You trust them. It's a "yes" or "no" question.

The really fun part is when blame starts being thrown around. Even better if you have been faithful, they have cheated, and yet it is still your fault. Cherry on top? You believe that and apologize for their behavior. You can only apologize for things in which you have control over and actions you made. How in the frick are you supposed to apologize for the actions of someone else? You don't know why they did it, how they did it, what their motivation was. Here is one statement that I just can't accept: Can you really blame someone for cheating if their spouse hasn't been a good "sailing" partner? Um...yes, yes I can. Unless you have alternated arrangements in your marriage, when you said "I do" and did the whole vow thing, you kind of made a promise to never do that. Better or worse ring a bell?? If your marriage is crap and you are thinking about cheating, seriously, you already have one foot out the door. It's not fair, it's not right, and it makes you a complete ass. Do everyone a favor and either work on your marriage and the BOTH of you find out how to make things better or end it. Being an adulterous douche bag does nothing to help your image - and yes, douche bag, in this case, refers to a male or female.

The biggest problem comes when doubt fills the air, trust is broken (for whatever reason), and constant worry or fear of what's to come consumes you. First, you're not a psychic so you can't see the future. But, and this can be a cool little parlor trick - keep projecting your fears on someone and thinking they are gonna do it and they most likely will. So I guess it kind of makes you psychic. Next comes the insecurity. Woohoo, is this a fun look. Quick jump to the point, if you aren't going to love and value yourself for who and what you are...not many else will. So, like yourself. The world is already too full of clones and lemmings.

Denial, drama, fighting, begging, crying, making up, cheating again, insecurity, denial, crying, revenge, blah, blah, blah. If you haven't been through it, take it from someone who has. It's not fun. So just don't be a part of it. You either will be faithful to your marriage or not. You will accept this behavior done to you or you won't. You will trust your spouse or live in a world of doubt. Again, free will. You choose. But at least make your choice and stand by it honestly. I'd have more respect for an ass that was honest than a nice person who lied and sugar coated everything.

But, then again, those are just my pennies...