She Can Go North!

Yep, I've been in Michigan this whole week and, much to my surprise, haven't been barricaded under mounds of electric blankets. Granted, everyone here is saying it's "unseasonably warm" with the daily temps in the 50's, but I don't care...I still made it in Michigan lol. Here's my blurbs...

I miss my child more than I ever thought possible. This is the longest and farthest we have ever been apart from each other. I know he's living it up at Nana and Papaw's and loving seeing Kaylee so much, but I can't wait to scoop up that little ginger and suck on his face.

Michigan left. What the crap is up with making simple left turns?! Nope. You have to go right...to go left. It's crazy. U-turn places everywhere. That was more near Detroit, but still, cracked me up.

I'm in uber tourist mode. Everything warrants a picture.

I knew this before, but now I'm certain that I hit the MIL jackpot. She treats me like her own daughter...maybe better, sorry Stace lol...and being so far away from my own mom, it's nice to know that I now have an awesome 2nd one.

Germans. The MIL has one. And he cracks me up. I think a life time spent with my dad's "humor" has prepped me for meeting the FIL. Dry, slap-stick, straight-faced jokes that leave you wondering if you got lost in translation somewhere has kept me laughing the whole time.

Hunting. I've never been. Until now. Poor hubs is chomping at the bit to kill something, but has yet to do so. I've made two trips up to the tree stand with him...decked out in camo gear that makes everyone laugh at me. I have to be super quiet or get the stink eye from Jamie, but it's been nice just hanging (literally) out in a tree for hours with him.

Grandfathers. Not gonna lie, yesterday was REALLY hard. I don't think we were there for 10 minutes before I had to go to the basement and cry. Watching Jamie and his Grandpa laughing, playing pool, looking at pictures of old fishing trips, feeding ducks, and seeing an old man in dress pants and suspenders just made me ache for Grandaddy even more. My family spent the first Thanksgiving without him yesterday. All I want to do is hold Grandmommy (even though she's the toughest out of us all) and hear her tell stories of all the things they did together. I know he is finally at peace, with no cancer, no pain...but I still miss him so much it hurts.

Football. Tomorrow's the big day!! Hubs and I are going to the Ohio State/Michigan game. I'm pretty stoked...more for him, but I love college ball so it doesn't really matter. He's never been to a game in the Big House and Michigan actually has a chance to beat OSU this year. God help us if they don't.

I'm really glad we were able to come up here. Jamie has been gone for so long and sharing all of this with him and Eden has been so nice. I've missed the sah-daughter like crazy and finally having her around again makes me sad that the trip is almost over. Bittersweet and conflicting feelings, I'd guess you'd say. Can't wait to get back to my baby, but hate that it also means saying "good bye" to another one. At least Christmas is right around the corner.

Guess that will do it for this morning's post. Still waiting to hear a gun shot...nothing yet lol.

Mouthful of Monday...

First of all, don't make my post title dirty. Even though I thought about too, no need for you to add fuel to my fire.

So, as most of you know, I am in Michigan. Yes, I actually made it north of Tennessee and didn't self-combust. I *think* the drive here went through some pretty nice scenery...definitely some elevation changes as made obvious by my and Eden's strange faces when popping our ears...but we drove through the night and didn't see anything. I thought the drive to Texas was bad. Well, now that drive has a friend. I lost my butt somewhere in the Carolina's and tapped out at the Ohio state line. But, I was pretty proud that I drove so far!

It was SOOOOO good to see my 2nd mom again!! We haven't seen her since the wedding. I never like comparing past to present, but even when it comes to MIL's...I hit the jackpot. She loves me (or at least I like to think she does lol) and my ginger baby just as if we were here from the start. And I have never once felt uncomfortable around her. Never. She makes me laugh and feel right at home. It's a nice feeling when I'm so far away from my own family. And! And! I finally got to meet the "Angry German"...well, turns out he's not angry AT ALL, but very much German lol. I like hearing him talk and I'm pretty sure I've just met the calmest man in the world. Seriously, at your most calm and non-stress moment...he still wins lol.

Last night, the Bennett Bunch got bored and found my camera. A handful of pics were posted on FB last night. God I've missed Eden. I love seeing her and Jamie together. Definitely two peas in a pod with them. Today, we are going to Port Huron and Yale to visit the hubs' old stomping grounds. Mama Michigan already said he will probably be disappointed with how it's changed, but I think that's the same for all of us. Especially when we go back to a place we haven't been in decades. Always looks different. I get to meet Jamie's dad...and brother if we can get him to come around Jamie!! Apparently the torture went well beyond what Jamie admitted too. Can't blame Scotty...I'd probably stay away from him too.

Going to go find a post office here soon. Have a very important package to mail to a VERY important ginger in Dacula. My heart hurts for my little bear. I know he's having a blast with everyone and even got to go on a sleepover with Aunt Linds and Wyatt, but my God, I have never missed anyone or anything like I've missed my child. And we are only on day 2 of our trip. Thank goodness for Skype! We got to see that precious face last night.

Happy Monday, peoples! Here's to a short week for most, lots of turkey and football, and the one thing I will NOT participate in...Black Friday. Sorry, mom. NEVER AGAIN!!

Pennies in a Jar...

...also known as my two cents.

Today's topic of discussion (and method of homework procrastination) will be cheating. The relationship kind, not of the gambling or test taking variety. For a valid definition (lol), I will reference good ole' Wikipedia:

"In western and other cultures, couples tend to expect sexual monogamy of each other. If so, then cheating commonly refers to forms of infidelity, particularly adultery. However, there are other divisions of infidelity, which may be emotional. Cheating by thinking of, touching and talking with someone you are attracted to may be equally damaging to one of the parties. Emotional cheating may be correlated to that of emotional abuse, which to date is treated seriously in a court of law as physical cheating. With the expansion of understanding of other cultures, there is a wide spectrum of what cheating means. When in a committed relationship, the definition of cheating is based on both parties' opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition. Some couples simply believe that cheating constitutes doing anything, whether verbal or physical, that one would not do in front of their significant other. Such examples would include: expressing attraction to another person, electronic communications,texting, data, kissing, making out, and sexual relations."

Fancy way of saying it, but it somewhat gets the point across. Many ways to cheat on someone - not all must include putting the hot dog directly into the bun. And here's the kicker...you can not stop or prevent someone from cheating on you. If they are going to do it, they are. Many people who are unfaithful do not have unhappy relationships. Weird concept, I know, but they just have an urge or desire to think they can do whatever they want. (Example: that really good golf player.) Maybe a sense of entitlement or thrill seeking behavior? Lots of docs and therapists out there have spent years and millions of your dollars trying to pinpoint an exact cause and remedy for cheating...and here, I am giving the answer to you for free. As always, you are welcome.

One thing I've come to finally understand is that if someone is going to cheat, they are going to do it. While you may be saying "I would NEVER cheat on him/her," that's all good. However, don't go spouting out "He/She would NEVER cheat on me" because then you start speaking for someone else. And bottom line is...ya just can't do that. Free will. Curse and a blessing. This is where that fancy little word "trust" comes in. Ugh, I know. A lot of us pay lip service to that cute five letter obstacle course, but few really trust. Absolute trust is held without reservation or fear. No doubt. No second thought. You trust them. It's a "yes" or "no" question.

The really fun part is when blame starts being thrown around. Even better if you have been faithful, they have cheated, and yet it is still your fault. Cherry on top? You believe that and apologize for their behavior. You can only apologize for things in which you have control over and actions you made. How in the frick are you supposed to apologize for the actions of someone else? You don't know why they did it, how they did it, what their motivation was. Here is one statement that I just can't accept: Can you really blame someone for cheating if their spouse hasn't been a good "sailing" partner? Um...yes, yes I can. Unless you have alternated arrangements in your marriage, when you said "I do" and did the whole vow thing, you kind of made a promise to never do that. Better or worse ring a bell?? If your marriage is crap and you are thinking about cheating, seriously, you already have one foot out the door. It's not fair, it's not right, and it makes you a complete ass. Do everyone a favor and either work on your marriage and the BOTH of you find out how to make things better or end it. Being an adulterous douche bag does nothing to help your image - and yes, douche bag, in this case, refers to a male or female.

The biggest problem comes when doubt fills the air, trust is broken (for whatever reason), and constant worry or fear of what's to come consumes you. First, you're not a psychic so you can't see the future. But, and this can be a cool little parlor trick - keep projecting your fears on someone and thinking they are gonna do it and they most likely will. So I guess it kind of makes you psychic. Next comes the insecurity. Woohoo, is this a fun look. Quick jump to the point, if you aren't going to love and value yourself for who and what you are...not many else will. So, like yourself. The world is already too full of clones and lemmings.

Denial, drama, fighting, begging, crying, making up, cheating again, insecurity, denial, crying, revenge, blah, blah, blah. If you haven't been through it, take it from someone who has. It's not fun. So just don't be a part of it. You either will be faithful to your marriage or not. You will accept this behavior done to you or you won't. You will trust your spouse or live in a world of doubt. Again, free will. You choose. But at least make your choice and stand by it honestly. I'd have more respect for an ass that was honest than a nice person who lied and sugar coated everything.

But, then again, those are just my pennies...

What Matters Most...

Is it something that can be bought? Is it materialistic? Is it a status symbol? Because, in my opinion, if you answer "yes" to all these questions...then what matters most to you is absolutely nothing at the end of the day. You may be surrounded by things and beautiful pieces of art, or furniture, or cars, or houses, but what fills your heart? What makes your soul happy? What, during your final days, will any of this get you? Whether we like to realize it or not, any day could be our final day. And then what...you are surrounded by all your fancy shit and if there are people there too, most likely they are just waiting on you to kick the bucket so they can start fighting over who gets what. They are not there to shed tears over your passing or sharing stories of memories made.

I do not sugar coat or hide my feelings on materialism, labels, money, or "stuff." Take away my car, the house I live in, the comforts that I am used to - but let me keep my husband and my son - and I will NOT fight you one bit. They are more important to me than anything that comes with a price tag. We've all played the "What would you do for a million dollars" game and I don't doubt that there are WAY more people than those that would admit that they would walk away from everyone they know just to get that money. Why?!?! When did it become better to have more monetary wealth than hold the wealth that fills your heart with love?

I guess I just don't care about your Fendi purse, fancy car, high end wardrobe, high tech gadgets, or the fact that you have 10 pairs of Jimmy Cho shoes in your closet. I never have. For one, I refuse to live beyond my means just to "appear" to compete with the Joneses. I could care less about the Joneses!! Half the time, if they are a family, the spouses hate each other, the wife looks like a plastic robot, the husband is cheating on her left and right, the kids are nowhere to be found - or being raised by a nanny - and future therapy bills are waiting for you in the future.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against wealthy people. I'm not against poor people. I'm not "against" anyone. I'm simply conveying my own feelings on my own page. If "stuff" makes you happy...get it. Have fun and do your thing. It's just not my thing. I'm not going to rob my husband blind so I can go get my hair done for $300 or buy crap that I don't need nor will I ever use...just to simply be able to say I have it. I don't give a rat's ass about what anyone thinks. If Jamie and Jaxon are happy, healthy, and know that I would lay down my life for them - I'm good.

I am nowhere near perfect nor am I attempting to attack anyone. If you make a crap ton of money, by all means, buy what you want, live in a mansion, and do your thing. Rich or poor, my point is that I don't like when "stuff" becomes more important than family, friendships, trust, and staying true to yourself. I love the home that Jamie and I live in, I love my car, I love that I have a coat to put on if it's cold outside, and shoes to go on my feet. But leave me with nothing but a cardboard box to sleep in...and I still have my family...and I will be just fine. Priorities are different for everyone. These are just mine.

Happy Monday...

Statistics, Shma-tistics...

I should be studying. It's math. I don't like math. So I choose to surf you tube with one headphone in and insert my two cents at sporadic moments. Homework is done, so that's good. Five hours early if you can believe it! So now, I feel that random word vomit is coming and I bestow the honor of catching said spew on any and all who read this. You are welcome.

How you approach and act at a 4-way stop is a complete testament to your overall IQ. Sadly, based on a "simple random convenience sample," most people in Columbia County are morons.

For my FB stalkers (or friends, whatever you choose to be called), I mentioned last night of a new trend I've been seeing: guys walking around with only their heads through a shirt, but then forget what to do next in order to complete their look. I hope I am not stealing anyone's idea, but I am now referring to this as a "lazy man's scarf." No need to do all that wrapping or tying...just put your head through a sweat shirt and let it hang! Neck is warm. Can't help you with a cold ass because you forgot the belt.

I love that more Christmas stuff is going up. Yell at me if you must. I freaking LOVE Christmas and would have stores decorated year round if it were up to me. I refuse to not believe in Santa and always feel a little more hopeful. Granted, I am very much looking forward to eating some turkey on Thanksgiving - but I eat it on Christmas too. So, come on Santa. This girl is eagerly waiting to place her fat child on your leg to take some pictures - just don't be a weird Santa. Eww.

Speaking of Thanksgiving. It's November. It's quickly approaching. So here's a few "I'm thankful for's": fruit certs, sirius radio, lol pics on my phone, hulu, mechanical pencils, open parking after 4:30, friends making people, family that completes me, free wifi, index cards, pandora, cruise control, chick-fil-a, blogger, and text messaging.

I should probably contribute to this group besides just showing them my homework. I don't think they understand the madness to my method (yes, I wrote it how I meant to) seeing as though the test isn't til around 7 or so. Plenty of time to cram!

Holla bitches.

Pretty sure I'm getting dumber? More dumb?

I feel as though I am literally losing brain cells. Right now. Pop. See? There went another one. Gone. The girl next time to is getting her Christmas shopping list organized, the guy on my other side is managing his fantasy football league. No one, and I repeat, NO ONE, is paying attention to this man!!

The following words I have heard come out of his mouth over the past hour: witch, Princeton, placenta, diarrhea, and soil. In great detail. Eww. I'll give you a dollar if you can guess what content class I'm in. Yeah, if I didn't have the syllabus I wouldn't know either.

I greatly appreciate the chats that have kept me semi-conscious throughout class and I will NEVER forget to bring my laptop to this class. Thinking I will now surf over to TMZ...that's sure to beef up some brain cells.

Take a breath and fall...

I've said in several previous blogs that fear of the unknown can keep you from trying, from taking that next step. No one wants to get burned again after feeling the pain of a broken heart. How do you know when you want to let someone else in? How can you be sure they won't hurt you just like you've been hurt in the past? The truth is that you don't - you can't be certain. Placing trust in another, especially in matters of the heart, puts you in a very vulnerable position. When you extend trust in someone, you can simply hope that they will be true to their word. Some are, some aren't. That's just a simple fact of life. The only certainty that we have in this life is death. I realize that sounds grim, but really, that's about the only that you can bet will happen. Anything else, all the in between, is based on how you live the life you were given. Want to stay safe? Then stay on the bench, watching life pass you by from the sidelines. Want to take a chance and have the possibility of greatness? Take a deep breath and jump off the high dive.

There is nothing in life quite like the feeling you get from a free fall. No parachute, no safety net, just the desire to experience something wonderful. For most of us, our friends and family serve as a safety of sorts if we slam into the ground, helping us tend to our wounds and gently nudge us back out there. I am fortunate to have this net. But regardless of who will help you back up, it is still you that must take the initiative to live life. To take chances on love. To let people in after you have been closed off to the mere thought of someone truly caring for you. Want big rewards? Then you have to take big risks. You can't end up being one of the "lucky ones" if you are too scared to try again after your first (or second, or third) attempt crashed and burned. Fall down seven times...get up eight.

Failures and disappointment can serve as two of life's greatest teachers. You can listen to the advice of others, even try to learn from their mistakes, but the only ones that will really open your eyes are the ones you make. The pain you feel. Your personal experience. But, in my opinion, the worst thing you can do is close yourself off and be too afraid to try again. So you gave someone chance after chance to be good to you, to treat you like you deserve to be treated, and they destroyed you. Here's my response to that...THEIR LOSS!! If someone doesn't see you as amazing and important and beautiful, why waste your time, your heart, your love on them? There are billions of people in this world, and I promise, more than a handful will think you are pretty freaking awesome. Moving past heartache takes time and the time needed is different for everyone. Some need years, others need just a moment, or a single event, to bring them back. No matter the time it takes for you, once you reach it, you will know. You will know when you are ready to open your heart again, to take chances again.

Life isn't over until you quit breathing, your heart stops beating, and your body ceases to function. While some experiences may feel like this, you are still alive now. You are still breathing now. While your heart may hurt from time to time, it still beats. So, take time to learn from what went wrong, stand back up, dust yourself off, and step back up to the ledge.