Had a bad day...

I hear they will come. Quite often, in fact. Today was one of them. Today, I woke up to the faint smell of his cologne still lingering his pillow. I reached out for him...but my arms don't stretch the distance to Korea. My arms can't reach the other piece of my heart. The piece of my heart that has left me physically aching for him. All I wanted to do was crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head, and just bury myself in my own pity party. Can you tell this is our first separation?

But, I can't. And I know this.

I have Jaxon. I have school. I have my practicum. I have a house to keep up. I have every other thing in my life that was going on before he left that is supposed to keep on going even after he's left. I'm trying to get over the hurdle of realizing time can't stop just because my husband's job took him away. Time can't stop because I need to cry and smell his shirts. How is it that a million other women do this all the time and I am acting like a little baby? How is it that women have LOST their husbands and I am crying because mine is 13 hours away from me? It's because I have yet to find perspective in this situation and am still trying to get used to not having him to hug, kiss, and hold everyday.

I'm not afraid nor ashamed to admit that I miss him terribly. I am not going to apologize for whining like a child on my blog. Don't like it? Don't read it. I write through everything and this is nothing different. I know this will get easier to handle, but I will never be comfortable not having him with me. I don't want to be comfortable being separated. I think that if I am...well, history has shown what happens in that situation for him. And there is NO WAY that anything about us is going to hint at anything that reminds him of the past. I love him. I miss him. I think of him constantly.

Today was bad. Tonight is getting better. I am lucky to have friends going through the same thing. It's a nice comfort zone to move into when nothing else is comfortable. I know good days and not so good days are ahead of me. I will face them all, knowing that I love my husband more than anything in this world and that he is somewhere out there loving me back. That, and that alone, is enough for me to wait for him, to stand by him, and to honor the promises we made.