Briefings, Korea, and other dirty words...

And so it begins...the hubs starts his briefings for his Korea tour this week. Boo. It's still months away, but it puts a little more reality on the upcoming year. We were joking last night about the little things that I would miss while he was away and coincidentally they also happen to be the things that often drive me crazy lol! The way he just can't seem to close the cabinet doors, how he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom, how he takes his boots off - and leaves them - right inside the door where I inevitably trip over them. The weird noises he makes in his sleep. The volume at which he must play Call of Duty. Then, there are the things that are so sweet (sorry, babe, my blog - I get to say what I want!). The notes he leaves for me when I am least expecting it, the way he picks me up to hug me at the end of the day, the way his shaving cream, deodorant, and cologne combine to create the BEST smell in the world. How our legs always seem to interlock mid-sleep. It's coming. I know it is. I tell myself that it's still MONTHS away, but it seems like just a moment ago we first met. Seriously, I blinked and time flew by. Slow down, please!!!

I know I can't get too caught up in it. It's part of what I signed up for when I vowed to love my soldier, for better or worse, near or far, and in complete faithfulness. It will happen again. Comes with the job. I am always proud of him and his work ethic, his discipline, and his drive to better himself. But he does so in such a selfless way - it's not so HE can do this or that, it's so WE (Jax, Eden, and I) can experience things and make our memories that will last a lifetime. I am excited for him to go to Korea. That sounds bad, but why make a crappy separation even crappier (if that's even a word)? He is going to see some amazing things and get to experience a part of the world that I've only read about in books. I want him to be excited about doing stuff. I don't want him to think that I am a negative Nancy when it comes to all of this. I know, from experience of friends, that the more negative and sulky and depressing the messages from home are, the worse it makes it for them. I will not be that. I keep telling myself, "At least it's not Iraq or Afghanistan." I will get to talk to him and Skype with him to see that adorable face that I love so much. And when he gets back, who knows where our next adventure will lead us. All I do know is that being with him excites me. He challenges me to be a better me - not in a "change into something you aren't" way, but in a way that pushes me to use my personal strengths and become who I was meant to be. I thank him for that - and hope that when I do, he realizes just how sincere I am about it.

Life is hectic and busy and we get to say our "hello's" "good-byes" and "I love you's" in passing. I take what I can get and treasure it. I can't wait to go to Michigan for Thanksgiving (although the cold kind of scares me lol) and to meet the rest of his family and see him back where he came from. It saddens me a little that he has not had this luxury for many years - seeing family at holidays and such. And, maybe it has to do with Grandaddy passing, but its really important to me that he get to spend time with his family. Time is fleeting and can be a bitch. My wish for him is to have no regrets, no "what-if's" and to be happy with our life...wherever it may lead us.

I have so much to thank him for and it's hard when simple words don't seem to be enough. It's in my actions that I must show him what and how much he means to me and Jaxon. To take a one year old in as your own is not something many men willfully do...he did. To be a father to a child who is not biologically yours can't be easy...but he does it with love and Jax adores him. My life is not what I thought it would be. It's taken curves and downright explosions to get me to this point and I know I've said it before, but I would gladly go through all of that again if I knew it would lead me here. I may have my "she's losing her mind and acting all Ginger like" moments, but he knows me, he knows my heart, and even though 2012 holds a very hard "good-bye" for us, the "welcome home" is going to be so amazing.

I won't lie. It's going to be weird going back to just Jax and I while he's gone. For those that don't know, Eden is back in North Carolina this year and since she's getting older, she has more say in where she lives so who knows what happens when he comes back, but me and little man have done it before - when things were a lot less stable - and we can come through this with flying colors and lots of love for the daddy and hubs that we both love so much.

While I still think Korea is stupid, only because it is taking my hubs away for a year, I know in comparison to our life together, this will just be a blip in our story. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I can sneak out there next summer and visit him :)

Until next time...