Untitled...

I'm aware it's been some time since my last post. Life is that busy and I'm still waiting on my wish of a few extra hours in the day to come true. The calendar's sick sense of humor threw daylight savings in and took an hour away. It's only day two and it's been fun. I will try to catch up on all the missed happenings in the Bennett world soon enough, but today, I just needed to throw some stuff out there. I should be reading. Jax is sleeping and I have a quiz tonight, so I am hoping this will at least get it off my chest so I can focus on the excitement of Organization Theory.

Do we ever let go of our past? Do we ever really heal from old wounds? Can we truly move on and forget the things that tied us down? Of course there are reasons why the we remain locked to pieces or people of our yesterdays - mainly children. But what about sharing a child makes most prone to a lifetime of fighting? Fighting over things not even related to their child? What about sharing child gives some the mentality of having a lifelong reason to pick, poke, prod, and cause turmoil in your life? Do some enjoy this drama? Are there people who need that kind of dysfunctional interaction? I really do try not to cast judgment on anyone. Lord knows I am full of sin, mistakes, and frequently trip off the right path, however I do feel. I feel pity, anger, empathy, hope, and so many other emotions towards the people and situations such as these.

We're all messed up to some extent. Some are just able to function better than others in their messed up state but that's beside the point. My question is this: How can tearing someone else down make you feel better about yourself? How can judging someone's every move - without truly knowing what it's like to walk in their shoes - help boost your self-esteem? I hate to admit that I've wished this ability on myself many times. I've wished for the type of personality and heart that it takes to rip someone else apart and immediately feel better about being me. Now, for those that know me, I am not saying I don't have my temper, my bad moods, my redheaded nature...and I know I've been a beast in my own right. What I can't understand are those that thrive on initiating hurt and also those that thrive on the drama wave that typically ensues. Why can't you just stop?!

Feeling second rate to old drama that won't go away is not a great feeling. Being put on the back burner, forgotten about, or - the worst - feeling like you may be paying the price for someone else's mistakes sucks. The scary part is the insecurity that stems from situations like this. Why would someone continue to "play" inside the drama if there are already clear cut, black and white guidelines in place? Some suggest there are still feelings involved. The opposite of love is not hate. Hate still evokes emotion. Hate implies a passionate stance. Indifference means there is no feeling. Hating someone will take time away from loving people around you. Fighting with someone from your yesterday will take time away from present. Giving your past that kind of attention can only spawn more trouble. That doesn't seem that hard for me to understand, so my (possibly incorrect) assumption is that it should be easy for others to see as well. If that's the case, are there people who need that in their life? Can it ever really be gone? Will it ever truly go away? Will you ever be #1 to someone who carries baggage like that?