A letter to my babies...

With so many things up in the air...Korea, school, life issues, day to day stresses...it's important that I take time to focus on those who mean the most to me. This post will be the first of a few that are dedicated to specific people in my life that make it a wonderful place to live in - and fill it with love. So, this post goes out to my babies. I realize that I did not carry and birth both of my children, but God has blessed me with an amazing step-daughter to add to mine and Jaxon's world and the love I have for her in no way differs than the love, protection, and hopes I have for my own son. I know this world is full of blended families and step-parents and adjustments that young kids have to make...and pain they should never experience. But, such is life, and no matter what has brought us all together, I am so happy it has because, in this moment, I long for nothing more than the health, happiness, and safety of my children - biological or not.

To Eden...Words cannot begin to describe how amazing I think you are and how big your heart is. The way you care about others and always worry if everyone else is okay is such a load that you carry. While I think it is a wonderful quality, sometimes I just wish you could be a kid and enjoy this time in your life. Whether you believe it or not, you are going to blink and be my age. Looking back, not believing that this moment in your life was 20 years ago. You are standing on the brink of so many emotions, experiences - both great and painful, adventures, and a whole world of possibilities. Savor this time and the years to come. Be yourself. Make mistakes, but always try to learn from them. Break hearts and allow yourself to love another so much that the chance of your own heart breaking is a possibility. It will teach you so much. Be nice to people, especially the ones that don't deserve it. Because in all reality, they need it the most. Stay passionate about your art and writing. You are gifted and talented. Never let anyone take that away from you. While you have had to go through some painful experiences - some that you are still dealing with - please know that none of them were your fault and everyone...your dad, mom, grandma, and your new family...love you so much. Life will never be easy all the time. Things will be hard. You will cry. You will hurt. You will get upset and angry. But in those times, it's most important to remember that the sun will shine again and your rainbow is coming. This past year, my meeting and falling in love with you and your dad, has filled my heart with so much joy and happiness that I can't describe in words. You are everything to your dad and knowing how much he loves you, what he gave up for you, and all the things he does for you, makes me love him that much more. I miss you everyday you are not here, but as long as you are happy, wherever that may be, I am happy too. You know I am not into materialistic things or have any desire to buy your love - or anyone else's for that matter - but all the little things in life that I cherish, you are now a part of those. You are now a part of me. A very large part. And I hope to always be able to show you that and have you know that you have a friend in me and that I am always here for you. I love you Bennett Jr and am ever amazed and proud of the things you do and the young woman you are becoming.

To Jaxon...I thought from the beginning that it was just going to be you and me, kiddo. Us against the world. We weren't dealt the best hand and I made some choices that will sooner or later trickle down to you - but please always know that everything I have done, and everything I do, is because I think it is what is best for you and in your best interest. On May 9, 2009, my selfish little life ceased to exist. God gave me you and you are by far the best thing I have ever done. You made me strong. Only days old, you showed me what true love in its purest form looks and feels like. And right when I wasn't looking, we found our missing pieces - your Sissy and Daddy. One day, I will have to explain things to you and I am already nervous about that conversation, but to watch you now, in our family, seeing you grow, learn, and love, makes me so happy and so convinced that marrying Daddy was the best thing I ever did for us. You have a father who helped make you, but you have a Daddy who is here day in and day out, playing with you, taking care of you, helping raise you, and protect you. I hope you learn so much from him because he is an amazing man. He loves you just as much as I do and we will both always be here to cheer you on, help you up when you fall, and wish for all the goodness you deserve. You are my heart, Little Bear, and I love you with every fiber of my being. Your smile and sweet kisses take away all fear, any pain, and have pulled me from some very dark places. I am honored to be your mother and can't wait to see where life takes us. One thing's for sure...it's gonna be one heck of a ride!!

I don't think I ever really knew love until I had Jaxon, and then later met Eden. A parents' love - with biological or not - is a pretty awesome power. And one that comes with so much responsibility. My life and my dreams for the future are no longer selfish and for myself. They aren't even focused solely on Jamie and I because between us, we have two amazing children that make our world go round. If they are happy, then I am happy. To put my happiness or desires before theirs is a concept I can't even begin to fathom. I love my babies and count my blessings every day I get to have with them.

Jax and Eden, my life would be incomplete without BOTH of you in it. I just pray that my actions and words will always prove that to you.